The Day my Daughter First Ate Beans: How I Learned that Consistent Offering Eventually Leads to Acceptance
Elisabeth Kraus, MA
When my daughter was learning to eat, I was the most overwhelmed mom you’d ever met! Reeling from, what I now know was, pretty significant Postpartum Anxiety and Depression, I was barely holding my life together – even though she was more than 1 year old. One of the only reasons I was surviving was because I had resorted to following the easiest meal planning strategy I possibly could: pick food that was easy to cook and widely accepted.
One of those meals was tacos! And so every Tuesday, I would whip together some seasoned ground beef, refried beans, and warm tortillas all topped with shredded cheese, sour cream, guacamole, and chopped tomatoes.
For a while, my littlest enjoyed an age-appropriate, deconstructed version of her taco, which looked like a little pile of meat, a little pile of shredded cheese, a few soft tomatoes, and a dollop of sour cream, guacamole and the never-touched refried beans. Every week, she would dive into every element of the taco except the pile of beans which remained completely untouched.
And every week, I’d do dishes and shake my head as I rinsed that little scoop of beans down the kitchen sink. But even in the rinsing, I’d repeat to myself the mantra that GIE Feeding Therapist, Becky Keifer, always says, which is that “what is never offered is never accepted.”
And what she means by that is that as parents, we can’t expect our kids to warm up to foods that we stop offering them. If we fall into the trap of only offering the foods that our kids want and will engage with, then our kids never have the opportunity to grow the variety of foods they enjoy. So the trick to increasing the variety of foods that our kids eat is to just keep offering the variety.
And so that’s what I did!
Eventually, I got the support and help that I needed to begin recovering and my daughter has continued to grow and thrive! She is, as I always tell her, the perfect exclamation point to our family. And as we both have grown, my taco offerings have grown a smidge less frequent. But when I make them, I still offer that dollop of refried beans next to all the foods she prefers far more.
And eventually, Becky’s advice proved to be completely true!
About a year ago, 7 years into my daughter’s feeding journey, I made tacos for her and all of her cousins, laughing to myself as I heard the entire troop of kids laugh amongst themselves as they dove into a well-deserved dinner. That night, I sat up at the counter, both to give them space to chat and to keep my eye on all of the shenanigans. Lo and behold, about 10 minutes into the rowdy meal, I looked over to see my littlest eyeing one of her cousins who was ravenously chowing down every bite of her refried beans.
Slowly, my baby girl eyed the dollop of beans that had appeared, once again, on her plate. She glanced over at me, and I gave her a tiny smile while I pretended not to be watching too closely. And slowly, she scooped a small bite of beans up to her mouth for a taste. Tentatively at first, but with a nod and a smile she decided that, after 7 years of seeing refried beans, she was ready to try them – and she actually liked them!
“Mom! These are good!” she cried as my whole heart melted yet again! There she was – this delightful little warrior, trying a new food, and deciding she liked it! Becky was right: if it’s true that “What’s never offered is never accepted,” then it’s also true that “What you’re willing to keep offering – without pressure or expectation – may eventually be joyfully accepted!”
So, if you’re worried about your kiddo’s limited variety, remind yourself that a few refusals mean nothing. Weirdly? Years of refusals mean nothing. Kids who learn to approach food with peace and joy will, eventually, find the foods they love. And even if that variety doesn’t include every food (because, let’s be honest, none of us likes everything), it can most certainly include the foods your family loves.
So, just keep offering! Trust the process! And trust your kiddo.