But they eat more when I feed them
Amanda Kyle, MA, CCC-SLP
When toddlers and older children are starting to eat, parents often want to be the ones to physically feed the child. Many families find that when they do the feeding, they are able to “get their kids to eat” a larger volume of foods. This may be true, however one of my top rules when it comes to feeding is “you only get to put food in your own mouth.” This can seem very counterintuitive when we are in a wean scenario because parents often hold the goal of weaning to be “to get their calories in by mouth and not by tube.” But that’s actually not the goal of a successful wean! Rather, the goal of weaning is to support your child to be able to get their calories into their own mouths – to grow to be a happy, autonomous, and an independent eater! Not to replace the medical feeding tube with a parental feeding tube. So, while parents still have a role to play in setting your child up for eating success, long-term weaning success relies on parents helping their children learn how to self-feed.
Here are some of the reasons that this is so important:
Part of self-feeding is learning how to get foods to your mouth, where to place in the mouth, and how to pace the meal. This is often messy at first, but improves as kids become better at eating. Even in the messy phase, however, a lot of valuable sensory skills emerge: kids learn how to process information, what the food is like (does it squish or crunch? Squirt or slide?), and how to integrate this sensory information while they eat. They also develop hand to mouth coordination, learning to place foods into their mouths, move items around the mouth to get the tongue moving, and stimulate a munching pattern. These are all skills that make eating more proficient – and efficient! And learning how to pace the meal helps them to find a balance between play/exploration and filling their belly. They learn how to cue into to feelings as they are eating. But all of this development starts by being in charge of bringing foods to and from their own mouths.
Happy eating is always a choice, and not an automatic behavior response. An automated response looks like this: the child sees the spoon, opens their mouth, the parent places it in. This is often at a much more rapid pace than the child calls for, and it takes away from the social engagement aspect of the meal, neither of which support of the goals that we are looking to achieve during and following weaning. Instead, we are looking for happy engagement! We are looking for the child to be able to choose from the foods being offered and decide how much to eat of those foods and at what pace. When the parent is in charge of the spoon, it takes those jobs away from the child (placing the back on the parent in the Division of Responsibility), and eventually, creates mealtime battles and stress. For long-term success, trust your child to begin building these skills early on when their intake needs are lower, and to improve those skills as their intake increases.
Be a gentle, supportive helper when your child needs it. One of the best ways to help a child to be successful in these early eating interactions is by loading spoons for them. Often, young children struggle to dip and scoop a utensil, and in these cases, parents can function as a gentle helper by scooping the utensil and handing it to your child or setting it on their plate. From there, your child can bring the loaded utensil to and from their mouths. You can also dip stick shaped foods in a caloric puree for the child or place these in their hand if they are needing help (rather than the mouth). Focus on choosing developmentally appropriate foods that will let them be successful with eating. In the early stages, this will be mashed foods, very soft foods, and meltables (ideally dipped in a puree or mash). All of these supports will help your child to grow the skills that weaning brings!
So, while setting down the spoon might feel counter-intuitive early on, remember that the goal of weaning is not just “volume in.” We are working to support skill development just as much as volume during and following a wean (and in early eating in general). Utilizing these strategies will help your child build those volumes up on their own while building the skills necessary to be a successful independent eater.