A Few More Ways We Accidentally Foster Picky Eating
Elisabeth Kraus, MA
I genuinely believe that the vast majority of parents do the best that they can to advocate fiercely for their little humans! I believe this so strongly, in fact, that my first thought, when hearing from a parent who is at their wits end trying to support their anxious eater, is always, “What an amazingly lucky kid to have such a great parent on their team!”
In a past blog, we talked about “Three Accidentals Ways We Foster Picky Eating,” and in this one, we want to brainstorm a bit further about the ways that we might accidentally foster picky eating habits.
Only offering familiar favorites:
When your child has struggled to learn how to eat, it can feel like a miracle when they find a food that they love! And when they do, it’s really tempting to offer that favorite food – either at every meal or as a rescue food when they don’t like what you offered the first time.
The problem with this is that, eventually, kids get worn out on the familiar food, and those who don’t often learn that their protests will get them the food they want. When that happens, mealtimes can turn into giant battles and often, food refusals become the norm.
If you have found yourself in this exact situation, the way to turn the ship is to move towards offering familiar favorites with newer and less familiar foods. This provides the reassurance that there is something on the plate your child will go for, and it helps to re-establish the DOR (Division of Responsibility) boundaries that ease anxiety and encourage kids to expand their repertoires.
Taking requests
Most parents have experienced the frustration of asking their child what they want to eat, making the requested food, only to offer it and receive an “I don’t want it!” in response. This is just one of the many power struggles that DOR helps families to avoid! In DOR, the job of choosing what to offer is left to the grown-ups because they have the developmental intelligence to understand why a balanced diet is important. And kids, honestly, do not.
If you’re finding that your child is becoming more selective, and offering the foods they request isn’t helping, that’s a signal that it’s time to return to DOR where you choose what you offer and when, and your child takes it from there. If you take the advice given under point #1, offering a familiar food next to the newer or less familiar food, you’ll be able to trust that your child will have something on the plate that they enjoy and your child won’t feel the pressure of making choices they aren’t developmentally ready to make. And with consistency, less pressure always leads to more eating in time.
So, if you’re finding it challenging to navigate your child become pickier in what they want to eat, remember that you can turn the ship! Granted, it will take consistency and self-control, but returning to the principles of DOR can bring about both peace and eating!